mom life.

being a mom is the best job i’ve ever had. hands down.

however, there are a lot of days where i feel like i can’t even peel myself off of the couch. i’d like to say that that’s when i turn to god and let him provide the strength i need. but… that doesn’t always happen. it doesn’t make sense not to give my weakness to the lord, but the thought of doing that just honestly doesn’t come to mind as often as i wish it did.

i read a quote this week that just sent conviction running through my veins.

“god will give every mom the resources she needs to accomplish what he wants for her to do”.

god, please let me be aware of your presence during my weak (and strong) times. let me rely on you fully and believe that you have good things in store for me. you will provide every ounce of my needs and i can rest in that assurance.

cuddles are more important.

so many thoughts in my head. so many song lyrics swirling around amidst the many ideas i’ve pinned and such. so many things i want to record. just for ‘safe keeping’ of some sort. yknow?

this whole motherhood thing is beyond how greater than i ever imagined. trying my hardest to take in each coo and cuddle and let the rest fall by the wayside. i do miss writing on a regular basis, but i wouldn’t trade living in the moment for anything. i’ve thought about starting a blog so that i could one day have each post binded in a book for my sweet boy. then i think about a typical guy and he probably wouldn’t appreciate that. instead, i’m choosing to kiss him endlessly and truly be where i am and pray that my love will shape him into a godly man. that, my friends, seems far more important right now than a silly blog.

one of these days, though, i do aspire to record his blessed birth story. those darn contractions, the moments of fear when he just was not comin, the kiss that almost happened between the anesthesiologist and i once he gave me the epidural, etc. so many details that i know i don’t want to forget. 

but, til then… i have a sweet (almost) 6 month old who will be waking from his slumber soon and i have many aspirations for when he wakes. bath time, cereal time and plenty of cuddles to be had. this truly is the happiest i have ever been in my whole life.

blessed.

slowing down in this season.

the snow is here! the snow is here! this is the 2nd snowfall here in indiana since we moved just a few weeks ago. i don’t care what anybody says… snow is BEAUTIFUL. it’s a pain in the butt to drive in… as i’m quickly learning again, but it’s so gorgeous. i love seasons and cannot wait til we’ve lived here a full year and have experienced a full cycle of seasons. i feel like people who live someplace where seasons don’t exist are missing out on a very natural part of life. for instance, right now i am loving the brisk winter weather and the snow coming down, however, in 3 months… i’m going to naturally be wanting some sunshine and warmth. seasons are seasons for a reason. they’re not permanent. they’re always changing and we’re always preparing for what’s to come next. seasons of life are no different.

g & i currently live with my oh-so-amazing in-laws. they are the most selfless parents in the world. when we even mentioned to them that we were considering the move, they graciously offered their house, their cars, etc to make it possible for us. i know it’s only been a few weeks, but i genuinely can’t think of a better situation for both grant and i… and holden. his grandma and grandpa thompson sure love that boy! so, with that said, we are living with my in-laws. although it’s a really great situation, my mind and heart already long for what’s to come. curiosity takes over my mind on a regular basis, actually. it’s so natural for us as humans to find ourselves discontent. most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing it.

in this particular season of my life, i want to cherish these moments. i want to not have to move onto the next thing so quickly. i want to enjoy rocking my boy endlessly when i could just put him in his swing. i don’t want to rush. having a baby really puts life into perspective.

yesterday, i cleared out holden’s closet of all newborn clothes. he’s officially not a newborn. yes, he still has a babyish face and doesn’t even have complete control of his little head, but he’s growing. and quicker than i can handle! i found myself just a littttttle emotional yesterday. no tears, but i definitely had to hold myself together! i’m at a place in life where i don’t have dishes and housework to overwhelm me and i don’t want to miss out on this season that i’m in. thankfully, i have my iphone which is full of pics and videos of my sweet boy for me to look back at. i’m hoping this blog will serve as a journal for me to look back at since pics don’t quite capture thoughts and emotions. join me for the journey…

arm’s length.

well, we made it! i’m officially a hoosier and feeling a bit of regret tonight about not enjoying florida quite as much as a could have. i know there are a select few florida lovers who are dying to say ‘i told you so’, but i’m not necessarily referring to missing the beach and warm weather. when we moved to lakeland from ft myers, grant and i started our lives together. we got married 7 months after moving to lakeland, but the second i moved there, i just knew i didn’t want to live there long term. five years later… we actually moved. had i know when we moved to lakeland that we’d be hunkering down for more than a year or two, i would have done a lot of things different.

keeping people at arm’s length wasn’t really my intention and i certainly didn’t realize i was doing it. about 2 years after living in lakeland and keeping people at a ‘safe’ distance, i realized that we wouldn’t be moving quite as quickly as i had once thought. about that time, i decided that i should maybe be a little more open and let some people into my life. bad news was… it was just simply too late. now, i had a few close girlfriends here and there, but not really the support group one needs after 2 years. so, after keeping people closed out and then realizing far too late that i needed those exact people that i shut out, i had a few miserable years. i hadn’t lost all joy and i have a great husband, but moving from ft myers where i have dependable, irreplaceable girlfriends, i knew i needed that no matter where i’m living. phone conversations with those girlfriends certainly helped a little, but everyone needs a support system on a daily basis.

reflecting on my poor choices in the past and really carefree mistakes, i knew moving to lafayette had to be different. it’s going to be uncomfortable to push myself out of my comfort zone and meet new people, but this time… i know we’re not moving. we’re planning to settle here and there’s no point in keeping closed off to myself! besides me needing women in my life that i can confide in and that will challenge me, they need me too. and that’s one of the hardest pill of this process to swallow. although i don’t feel that i’m moving forward in my personal challenges as much as i once was, there are women that i will meet and get to know who need my testimony, my encouragement and my sense of humor.

i’m believing for a really smooth transition and i know that 100% of that is riding on my shoulders. if you think of it, pray that god will put particular people in my life for this season and for seasons to come. and that he’ll place me in the lives of others. cause, really, at the end of the day, it truly is all about people. people are why we exist.

baby and moving… oh my.

it’s been a while. i never quit blogging with the intention of quitting… it just seems that life gets too hectic. well, sometimes. sometimes life is too hectic. and the others times, my downtime is quickly wasted catching up on the kardashians or pinteresting things that i swear i’ll do and need in the future.

since my last post, i finished cookin my sweet little boy… and delivered all 10 pounds and 4 ounces of his chubbyness. we’ve also quickly approached our big move to indiana and it’s just around the corner now (literally, less than 1 week!). i feel blessed beyond measure. i have a great family who supports g & i  and this holiday season reminds me that family really is more important than fancy gifts or glistening decor. christmas is definitely one of my fav holidays and this year, i’m learning to let go. letting go of any expectations and i want to really just soak up the time with both of our families and my sweet holden. speaking of holden… i introduce you to holden crew thompson.

being a mom has been truly everything i hoped and dreamed it would be. granted, there have been some exhausting moments, but i wouldn’t trade it for the world. g & i were talking about the few long nights of endless crying that we’ve had the other day. he told me how frustrating a crying baby is when you don’t know what they want or need or if there is anything even wrong. although i agree, i am forcing myself to keep things in perspective. there are millions of couples who would DIE to have a baby and, for whatever reason, it’s not happening. therefore, even in those frustrating moments, i want to be grateful for the gift that god has entrusted us. i was convinced myself that a baby might not be a possibility or would be a really long, hard journey. thankfully, it wasn’t. so, i want to cherish my boy… even in the hard times.

my boy is starting to wake up now (he’s been asleep in my lap) and he’s pretty hungry… so i’m off to do motherly things! 🙂 i’ll be back soon, though!

fears, dreams and new-found joy.

where do you even begin after not blogging for like 7 months? so much has changed and evolved over these past months that to try and cram it into a blog post is, well, impossible.

for those that don’t know… i’m pregnant. 17 weeks as of tomorrow, to be exact. it’s crazy to me that in november of 2008, this was the blog post a wrote…

11.18.2008

fears, dreams and finding joy.

why is it sometimes so hard to find joy in the midst of the day-to-day? i know that for me, joy often seems like the unattainable fruit of the spirit. happiness and joy have two completely different meanings in my life and right now, i find myself lacking a little of both.

what am i doing with my life? maybe that’s where i should start…

in the past month or two, i can count 4 or 5 people who have asked me what my calling, goal, dream, passion in life is. if someone asked me that five years ago, i couldn’t have made up something if i tried. but in the past few years, god has opened my eyes and shown me what makes my heart beat and why i get up each morning.

(cue the anxious feelings of whether or not i should write my next thoughts…)

well, as obvious as some may think my calling may be… i want to be a mother. i want to raise a godly family and show my children what love and grace looks like. i want to take part in their every moment and show them how god is in the midst of hard times.

i know that a lot of women dream and think about starting their family. but, for me… i know it is so much more than that. so many of my thoughts are consumed with my future children. so many of my prayers revolve around them.

as many of you know, i have had many health issues. starting my freshmen year, i had to have half of my thyroid taken out, i then stretched a ligament in my knee that will never heal until it eventually snaps and i have surgery, i have an extra bone in each of my feet which cause them to pop in and out of socket like it’s their job and then… i have my beloved dad’s blood clotting.

i remember sitting in the doctor’s office almost four years ago and my family doctor explaining to me that due to the fact that blood clotting is an issue, i will have a very difficult time getting pregnant. he then went on to say that if i do get pregnant, it will probably be a very difficult pregnancy.

how can god give me a single calling that doctors say may never be attainable?

i follow a blog of a lady that i have a great deal of respect for and a while back, she was writing about how she felt like everyone she knew was either pregnant, just had a baby or has a young child. i remember reading and being so captivated because i felt like she was typing my exact thoughts. she went on to say that seeing so many others expanding their family, it made her heart hurt. she wanted that too. and then she said one thing that makes my emotions go crazy just thinking about it. she said that her womb aches. her womb aches.

my womb aches.

i don’t really know how to explain it other than that i long for the days that i can take care of a little person that is literally part of me. i long for the days that i can pray with my children before they go to bed.

i am not foolish enough to think that god’s plan will be ruined by hereditary conditions and the words of doctors. but, it scares me. and i can’t help but think about the families that desperately want a child of their own and will never experience that.

needing peace.
needing joy.
needing patience because god’s sovereign hand holds me and my dreams.

it’s literally insane to me how these past few years have unfolded. god is stripping me of the things that i decide are attainable and proving his faithfulness once again. tis so sweet to trust in an unfailing god… even in the low times. i sometimes think about how i had such a lack of joy when i wrote that post. i re-read it and feel the desperation. if i didn’t have such a bad memory, i would tell you where i jotted that post and what song was playing while i typed…. but, i can tell you that right now, i’m sitting at our computer desk, listening to ‘you are faithful’ by jesus culture and wrapped up in a blanket with a renewed joy. god is the faithful one and it is proven time and time again as i feel my little man making himself at home in my belly!

i’m hoping to get back in the swing of blogging amidst the busyness. my new job is great. unfortunately, i won’t be heading to the middle east any time soon (since i have a babe and all!), but it’s a daily blessing. speaking of blessings, are any of my old readers still in the blogosphere?? holla if you are! 🙂

ps- if you’ve never listened to the jesus culture song i referenced… you need to go download it and then head to a quiet room and allow god to renew your joy, too.

big changes + the small details.

as i said in my last post, i got a new job! yes yes yes! and, honestly, as grant and i talked about it all weekend (like i-wouldn’t-shut-up-about-it-all-weekend talk), i couldn’t think of a single negative thing about this big transition! so what if i’m driving a few extra miles each day? totally worth it!!

so, this morning, one of my co-workers came into my office and asked how i was doing. i replied with a simple ‘i’m well. really well!’ and she responded by saying

‘you meant that. i could tell that was really genuine.’

yes. yes, it was genuine. and all because of the good changes that are to come. sometimes… it takes a really big change to rock your world and shake everything up a bit. and when all of the dust settles, you’re realigned and ready to turn the page.

i’m in the realigning process and i can already feel my joy being restored! praise god for his faithfulness and good plans for my life!

a step in the right direction!

it happened in a matter of one week. one week!

the relief and excitement that i am feeling right now is not something i can even explain!!! ok, ok, i’ll cut to the chase! i got a new job…. a new job!!!! it happened so quickly and i am beyond thrilled to be ending my chapter at southeastern university. yes, you read correctly! 🙂 after 3 1/2 years and a huge step backwards in good leadership, i have accepted a position as a travel agent! i mean, how cool is that??? plus, i will be going to israel in 3 months… for free! cha ching!

resigning from my current job was absolutely the right thing to do and within the last week, i had 2 amazing job offers and accepted the one at the travel agency yesterday afternoon. oh, and because of the start date, i had to resign yesterday afternoon. at like 4:20.

it happened so fast and i am so relieved!!!!!! this is all just a step in the right direction! 🙂

rainy thursday.

i know that it’s slightly abnormal, but i love rainy days. i think the reason, though, why i love them so much is because they remind me that god often speaks in the those quiet, still moments. and, for me… rainy days often equal quiet and still. nothing quite like a cloudy day can cause me to stop in my tracks and let out a big sigh. i’m not saying that god doesn’t speak when the sun’s shining, but i just am that much more aware of his presence when the day is full of overcast.

growing up, i used to think that by the time i was 25, i’d be married and have 1 charming son and a daughter on the way. obviously, things haven’t really gone the way my 7 year-old mind thought they would. because, trust me, florida wasn’t ever part of the plan. nor was working at a university. or marrying an indiana boy (and inheriting the greatest in-laws a girl could ask for, mind you!). however, it’s sheer brilliance the way the lord orchestrates all of our dreams into a plan that is a million times better than we could have ever planned for ourselves.

sure, i never thought that six and a half years ago when i pulled out of my driveway with just my dad (and as many clothes as i could fit in my royal blue ford contour) and headed to florida that i’d never move back to rochester. i never could have imagined that i’d miss it so much, either. florida was the most enchanting and exhilirating leap of faith for a small-ish town girl from minnesota. florida meant going to the beach on a whim, seeing all of the good bands that come through town (cause, let’s be honest… that’s one thing that mn isn’t quite on top of) and living somewhere people from mn only dream of!

on this dreary thursday, i can’t help but think and thank god for his faithfulness, his guidance and his ever-so-present peace. i wouldn’t be living the life i am and be surrounded by people that i love if it weren’t for him calling me out of minnesota and showing me the greatness that awaited me in sunny (but not-so-sunny today) florida.

bradenton fall festivities!

this past weekend, my bff’s and i met in the middle in bradenton at hunsader farms and had a blast!!

welcome to the farm! it went for miles and miles and miles and miles!

my dear friend, melanie, and i!

becca did the honors of giving me a delightfully updated senior pic… classic!

pretty sure it isn’t a quality trip to the fall festival if you don’t stick your head in a random hole and take a pic! confirmed!

stuck in the corn maze… what a waste of time! seriously! this was my first corn maze, but it was quite the disappointment!

pretty corn! 🙂

these last two pics show our personalities to a t!

karissa and i didn’t get the boot memo… therefore…

it was such a great sunday with the girls and i look forward to doing it next year (yes, i would fly back for it!)!!!